What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 29.06.2025 08:34
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Jonas Brothers cancel and move upcoming concerts, including one in North Texas - WFAA
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Men are more likely than women to die of broken heart syndrome, study finds - CNN
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Was to survive, this bastard.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Why is there so much hate against black people?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She loved him until the end.
Astronomers Just Discovered One of the Fastest Jets Ever in a Radio-Quiet Galaxy - The Daily Galaxy
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My life is so biszare .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Most-complete Stegosaur skull ever found forces rewrite of dinosaur history - Earth.com
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I will be 64.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Here are all the former F1 drivers on the 2025 Le Mans 24 Hours Hypercar grid - Motorsport.com
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
We all went to grammer schools
Jordan Ott hiring strengthens questions on Suns’ decision-making tree - Arizona Sports
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Would this be the day?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
6 Things to Do Before 9 A.M. to Reduce Your Stroke Risk, According to Experts - EatingWell
But ive been too sick for many years..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
The U.S. Economy Is Headed Toward an Uncomfortable Summer - MSN
Who then, do I blame.?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I don,t even have a pension.
I said to her
But it wasn’t much.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
All the time i was locked up.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
As i do to all so called friends.?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Im still living with it.
Especially a lifetime of it.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I waited trembling.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He resisted the act ,that day.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
So whats the point in blame.
(And it was in our own minds.)
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Why did i forgive my father ?
This is soul school!.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
When she asked me how she looked .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I was very sick at this time too.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I think the readers, may guess!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She wouldn,t have been !
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was seconnd youngest,
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I couldn’t, believe it.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I was scared of men, in general
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She was in good health!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
One cannot live in the past .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My family never makes their pension either.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
What did i know ?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Comes on , in middle age.
It was going to be , some day.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I have no regrets .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Ive learnt so much.
He knew the spot.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Put me off passion for life!!
I never cut or harmed myself..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She found it foreign!.
We were not on the streets..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But, we were locked up after school.
I write beautiful poetry .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She married twice! .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I was 9 years of age.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And i lived it daily.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
So, i spoilt her more .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..